Spit These Creaky Memories Out
by HagarenKokoro
Summary: A few scenes that the manga didn't show - Edward wakes up the morning after the failed transmutation, Ed and Al burn down their home, and Ed and Al return home and greet Winry in their new bodies. Told from Ed's POV, with slight WinryXEd.


CREAKY OLD MEMORIES

**Indelible Sin – (The Morning After the Transmutation)**

Edward stared vacantly up at the ceiling, his eyes fixed on nothing. He could tell by the light streaming through the window that he'd slept through the morning and into the afternoon. There was a dull ache behind his eyelids that told him it wasn't a good idea to get up or try to move. He laid very still and listened to the click of the ceiling fan.

A shiver ran down his right arm as if all the nerves were tingling at once. Edward twitched his fingers and tried to shake it off. When that didn't work, he lifted his right arm to to see what was wrong.

He couldn't lift his arm. He could feel it sitting under the covers like a stone; thick and heavy and unmoving. Did I break it? he wondered. That would explain the shivering. He used his left arm to pull back the blanket, exposing his bare chest to the air.

When he looked down, the shock was enough to freeze the air in his lungs. He flexed the fingers of his right arm again. He could feel it. He could feel the twitch of muscles, the calluses on his palm, the cold air settling on his skin.

Every part of his brain told him that his arm was lying against the bedsheets, but all Edward saw was a crumpled blue sheet and empty air. His arm was gone. At the end of his shoulder was a blood-stained bandage that wrapped around the leftover stub of an arm, like the stump of a chopped-down tree. There was no elbow, no wrist, no hand. Just the phantom tingling of his brain stubbornly saying that the limb was there.

The door creaked open and Winry appeared by his bedside. She was wearing a solemn expression and holding a pan of water. Without speaking, she dipped a washcloth into the water and rested the cool cloth across his forehead. Edward closed his eyes.

Little drops of water slid down Edward's cheeks and jaw. He gritted his teeth and wiped them away with his left hand.

"Oh, Ed. Please don't cry. It'll be all right." Winry's voice was small and sad. Even with his eyes closed, Edward could imagine the look of pain on her face that she always wore when she felt bad for somebody. That hurt more than anything. The idea that she could feel bad for him, and want to comfort him. In the past, he had always comforted her. Winry was the crybaby, not him.

"I'm not crying," Edward said, trying to sound indignant. His voice cracked and he put his left hand over his eyes, hiding his face. The tears were bubbling up inside him and it was all he could do to keep from screaming.

"Where's my brother, Winry? Where's my brother? Where's Al?" The panic was rising in his voice.

He heard the clatter of the dishpan, and the slosh of water spilling onto the floor. Winry must've knocked it over. "It's okay, Ed!" she said. "Al's fine, he's alive. He's in the next room – "

Edward sat up in bed, and the wet washcloth fell into his lap. He looked at Winry and saw that her eyes were wide and worried. "Does he have his arm? Oh, please, God – tell me it's there. Tell me he didn't lose it. Is he okay? Are you sure he's okay?" He was yelling now. He heard the thump of footsteps and knew that Pinako was running upstairs.

"He's okay, Ed! Please lie down. You're not in any condition to – "

A figure stepped into the room and towered in the doorway, a massive mountain of black and blue. Edward saw black button eyes and a cold metal face. The creature had jagged spikes and thick layers of armor that gleamed sharply in the sunlight.

Edward expected Winry to scream, but she calmly picked up the dishpan and stared at the monster, a faint crease across her brow.

The thing took a clunking step forward. There was a small flicker of light behind the eyes that showed there was someone in the armor, staring out at them. It was looking directly at Edward.

"I'm here," it said. "I'm here, big brother."

Edward tried to climb out of bed, but his body wasn't moving the right way. When he looked down, his leg was gone too.

Numbly, he reached out his arm to the creature, fingers outstretched.

The thing knelt down next to the bed. Even kneeling, it was huge, like a stone gargoyle perched by the bedside. The creature bowed its mighty head.

Edward placed his palm on the cold, metal head. His fingers shook. It didn't feel real. It felt like a stone wall. But this wall had eyes and a mouth and a face. There were sharp ridges that looked like cheekbones, and a piece of metal beneath the mouth that jutted out like a chin.

"Al…"

The head nodded, softly, like the shifting of an iceberg.

"Al." This came out as an urgent, loud cry. "Al."

There was no sound from the suit of armor. Edward lowered his head and felt his shoulders shaking with sobs. He squeezed his eyes tight and let the tears trail down his face. "Al. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry."

He said the words over and over until the sun started to leech out of the sky.

**(The Night They Burned Down Their Home)**

Edward walked through the house, knocking over photos and furniture as he went. He swept his arm over the kitchen table and watched wooden bowls and glass go flying across the floor. He kicked the rocking chair over so it sat across the living room floor. He found newspapers and toys and old cookbooks and threw them in a pile.

He went to his bedroom. It was the bedroom of a nine-year-old boy, with crooked drawings on the walls and little boy clothes strewn across the floor. Edward hadn't set foot in the room for three years, and now that he was twelve, all the crayons and stuffed animals looked ridiculous. But he grabbed them and threw them into the living room with the rest of the pile. He did the same with the clothes and sheets on his bed.

Al's room was tidy and clean. There were books stacked on the bookshelf and the clothes were neatly folded and put away. Edward couldn't believe the bedroom belonged to his little brother; it looked more like a girl's bedroom. However, there were transmutation circles scrawled on the floor in chalk. It reminded Edward of the old days, when they used to stay up all night flipping through alchemy books and sneaking food from the kitchen. Even after Mom died, they used to sneak through the house as if afraid of waking her. What would Mom say if she saw alchemy drawings all over her clean floors?

What would Mom say when she saw what he was about to do?

Edward grabbed the necessary things out of Al's room. He ignored the room at the end of the hall. It was Mom's old room. He and Al hadn't touched that one since she'd died, and he had no intention of touching it now. He ripped maps off the wall of his dad's study and dragged them to the living room. He now had a huge pile of wood, paper, and furniture stacked in the middle of the room.

"Al," he called. "Did you get that torch ready?"

The front door opened and Al clomped his way in. In his metal hand he held a burning torch. "Just barely. It's hard to use matches when my hands are this big," said Al. "Hey, big brother, you didn't have to make such a mess!"

Edward snatched the torch out of his hand. "Be quiet, Al. It's not like it matters. It will all be gone in a second anyway."

"Yeah," said Al. He bent down and scooped up a crinkled photo lying on the ground. "Hey, I remember this one! That was the day we went to the beach."

"Put it back, Al."

Alphonse dropped the photo. He took a step back as Edward lifted the torch, and dropped it on the pile. The newspapers started to melt away, flames licking around the edges, and then the photos caught, too.

He turned away. "C'mon, let's go."

They stood outside and listened to the sound of burning wood. The wind picked up and soon the fire had spread to the walls, causing smoke to pour out the windows like an escaping ghost. The roaring crackle of flames grew louder. The glass in the windows shattered and flames came spilling out. Edward heard the slow groan of cracking wood that meant the support beams were about to give in; he told Al to take another step away from the house.

"I thought it would take longer to burn," said Al. "But it didn't. Everything went up so fast. Gone, just like that."

Edward fingered the pocketwatch on his belt. Think toward the future, he told himself. Forget the past. He chanted it over and over in his mind.

"Big brother, are you sure there's nothing in there we might need? Old alchemy books, maybe? I might need some chalk for drawing – "

"No, Al." His voice came loud and clear. "Anything we need, we can buy. I have money now. There is nothing in that house that we can't get somewhere else."

"Oh, Ed, why did you do it?"

Edward turned around. Winry stood behind them, a shawl clutched around her shoulders and her breath coming in gasps. It looked like she'd run all the way over. Further down the hill, Edward could see Granny and the dog.

The roof of the house caved in with a thick crunching sound. Bottles smashed and furniture cracked inside. Shards of wood sprinkled across the ground but the fire kept eating away. It swallowed the roof in smoke and golden flames.

When Granny saw it, she shook her head, her face crumpled in quiet anger. "You foolish, foolish boys. Don't you know Trisha's father built that house with his own two hands? Took him five years to do it, too. Think of your mother. Think of what she would say."

Edward exchanged a look with his brother. It had been a whole year since the accident, and he still wasn't used to his brother's armor face. Al couldn't smile or laugh, he couldn't frown or cry. If you touched him, he couldn't feel it, and if he touched you, the touch was cold and empty. Al could only stare out at the world, unmoving, unfeeling, like a frozen piece of ice.

And what would their mother say, if she was here now? Would she cry for them, the way Winry was crying now? She might get angry and yell at them. Or she might look away and shake her head, like Granny. Worst of all, she might look at them with blank eyes, and say; "You got what you deserved. It's your fault, Edward. It's your fault your brother is this way."

Edward shook his head violently. "I – I don't know what Mom would say. Because she's not here anymore. And if she's not here, and that bastard Hohenheim isn't coming back, then we don't need this house anymore."

"That's right," said Alphonse. "We're moving forward."

Edward put a hand on Alphonse's arm. He wasn't used to craning his neck to look at his brother, but he gave him a nod.

A sob came from Winry. Her fists were clenched by her sides, and she stared at the house with tears streaming down her face. Edward remembered a year ago, when he had first seen Al's body and he had sat crying over him until he'd run out of tears. And every day for a year, the pain of the automail surgery and the rehabilitation had taken its toll on his mind and body, causing him to break down each night and sob himself to sleep.

That year was over. The photos, the books, his mother's room – anything that could cause him pain was gone. There was nothing left to cry over. This was the beginning of something new, and his silver pocketwatch was a symbol of that. He wasn't even Edward Elric anymore. He was the Fullmetal Alchemist. His life was no longer about trying to erase the pain of that day. Their goal was to get their bodies back, no matter the cost.

There was hope for the future. And as long as there was a future, there was no reason to linger in the past.

"What are you crying for?" he asked, smiling softly. "Winry, you're such a crybaby..."

**(The Day the Journey Ended)**

The train ride was long, and the sun seemed to sit on the horizon like an unblinking eye. Edward stared out the window at the hills and trees flashing past. He'd ridden the train to Resembool many times in the past few years, but the view had never looked like this. Orange and yellow leaves dappled across the ground, like a whirlwind of color. Every shade of red and gold imagineable spun past his eyes.

"Wow! Big brother, look at those trees! I wonder what it would be like to touch one? It's been so long – I've forgotten what leaves feel like," said Alphonse.

Ed smiled. "You wanna find out?" He thrust his head and shoulders out the window of the train. He could hear Al yelling behind him, but it was muffled by the roar of wind rushing by him. His bangs flew across his eyes and his ponytail fluttered behind him. He stayed there for a moment, enjoying the wind in his hair and the clacking of the train across the tracks. He felt so alive. And then it struck him. He was happy. He was happy. It was the strangest, sweetest feeling in the world.

Up ahead, there was a tree growing close to the tracks. Ed waited until the train sped past it, and in that moment, he stretched out his arm and grabbed a fistful of leaves. He hooted with laughter and climbed back into the train.

"Look what I got you, Al! Here, take some. Tell me what it feels like."

"You already know what it feels like, Big brother," said Al. But he took the leaves anyway.

Edward watched his brother crunch the leaves in his palm. Skin, pure white skin, stretched across Al's hand. He wore a waistcoat and a pair of slacks and boots, and his short hair was swept messily across his forehead. Edward couldn't help but stare. Just as it had taken him years to get used to Al's armor body, it was equally hard to get used to the bright golden eyes and smooth skin.

"You know," Edward said, "it's been four years since I last saw you smile."

Alphonse tilted his head and grinned at him. "Now it's my turn. It's no fair you get to do all the fun stuff." He stuck his head out the window and threw his arms out to the side, his clothes plastered against his body as the wind hammered into him. Edward laughed and sat back in his chair. After a few minutes, he tugged on Al's coat, and Al climbed back inside.

"What is it?"

"The trolley's here," said Ed. "Do you want anything to eat?" He pointed at the woman standing in the doorway with a trolley covered in food. Edward told the woman he didn't want anything to eat.

Al stood up and walked toward the cart. "Could I…have one of everything?" He looked embarassed.

The woman laughed, but Edward handed her a large amount of money and said, "Take whatever you want, Al."

After the woman left, Al sat amidst piles of food and slowly ate each one. He described the taste of each to Ed. "This sandwhich tastes like layers of meat and cheese wrapped up in a hunk of crunchy lettuce. And oh – mustard! I forgot about that. Hey, brother, why aren't you eating?"

Edward waved him off. "Not hungry. Plus…" He looked out the window. A small town rolled by, with smoke spilling from the chimneys and little sheep sitting on the hill. "I'm saving room for some of Winry's apple pie."

Al put down his sandwhich. "Oh, yeah…she promised to bake us one, right?"

"I hope she bakes extra," grinned Ed. "I haven't eaten apple pie in a long time!"

The train rolled to a stop at the station. Edward stood up and stretched his arms above his head, yawning. He grabbed his suitcase from the overhead compartment. There was just one suitcase. Edward hardly owned anything, and Al had only the clothes on his back. But that was about to change.

Edward grabbed his brother's arm and helped him to his feet. Al was still weak and scrawny as a bird. His clothes hung loosely on him.

"You coming?"

"I'm coming," said Al, panting slightly. "It might take me a while, but…"

Edward clapped him on the shoulder. Al almost fell over. "It doesn't matter. We made it. We made it, and that's what counts."

**(Winry Welcomes Them Home)**

Edward struggled to his feet, brushing grass from his white coat and hair. Al sat on the ground, laughing, as the dog licked his face.

"It's been a while since you did that," said Al, rubbing the dog's head. "I missed you too, buddy."

Winry sat on the grass, her hair falling out of her ponytail and spilling onto her shoulders. She had her hands pressed to her face and was sobbing uncontrollably. Ed reached out his right hand, to help her to her feet. She took one look at his hand and smiled. Then her face crumpled into tears again.

"Aw, come on, Winry." Edward crouched down so he was looking at her face. He held out his hand again. "What are you crying for?"

"I'm just keeping my promise," she said, turning her bright blue eyes on him. She stared at his arm as if checking to see if it was still there. "I promised you I wouldn't cry until you got your bodies back, remember?"

"I remember," said Edward.

She took his hand and held onto it tightly. Her palm was warm and soft against his. The sensation was completely alien to him. The last time he and Winry had held hands was when she used to fix the wrist of his automail, and even then, Edward couldn't feel the touch. Now, holding her fingers like this, it struck him how different things were after all.

Winry stood up, but she didn't let go of Edward's hand. "Look at you, Al! You're made of skin and bones! Wasn't your brother supposed to provide nutrition for your body when you were in the gate? Was he slacking off?"

"Hey!" said Ed. "I did the best I could."

Al slowly climbed to his feet, digging his cane into the ground. He pulled a strand of grass from behind his ear. "Look at us," he said. "What a mess. We're dirty and covered in grass stains and we haven't been back for more than two minutes."

"I'm sorry," said Winry. "I'm sorry. I'm just so happy. I've never been this happy before. I'll stop crying in a minute, I promise."

Edward remembered riding on the train, with the wind blowing the leaves on the trees and the sun dipping below the sky, and he remembered that sweet feeling of freedom and discovery, knowing that the whole world was out there, and he could take it in his two good hands. And suddenly, there was no warmer, sunnier, happier place on earth than where he was standing right now. And he had his two favorite people with him; his brother and his oldest, dearest friend.

Edward wrapped an arm around Winry's shoulders. She buried her face in his collar. Al stepped forward, and Edward pulled him into the hug.

"Al." He closed his eyes. "Please…don't scare me like that again. Try to keep your human body…for as long as possible, okay?"

Winry laughed. Al wrapped his arm tighter around his brother's shoulder.

Edward bowed his head and let the tears roll down his face. They kept coming, one after another, until he was soaked in tears and his chest shook with each gasp of breath. It was a sweet, sweet sadness. He was saying goodbye to the pain and misery of the past few years. But he was also saying goodbye to the good times that had happened. And there were good times.

He and his brother had learned to get along. It took a failed human transmutation, but they finally stopped fighting and arguing and learned to work together. It had taken a few years, but he'd really gotten to know his brother in a different way. They had grown together, their bonds thicker and stronger than before.

They had made lots of friends. People who had stuck with them until the end. Sensei had always believed in them, and Colonel Mustang and the Lieutenant had looked after them like parents looking after children. Ed had always hated that about them, but now he saw that they had needed that in their lives. Lin and Mei had fought for them every step of the way, and Granny had always welcomed them home like family. She was family. Winry worked hard and built Edward better and better automail each year. She was literally the one who helped him back on his feet, and she had always been there to catch him when he stumbled. She reminded them that their journey wasn't just about them – it was about helping people and coming back safely so the people they loved wouldn't have to cry over them. Whenever Ed wanted to quit, she had been the one pushing him forward, saying that she believed in him and his journey.

In the past few years, Edward had become stronger. He had grown up. He didn't shout or lose his temper anymore. He didn't make promises he couldn't keep. He could win a fight. His shoulders were broad and sturdy, his legs were longer and he had two strong hands.

There was one thing he didn't want to lose. The metal leg, hidden beneath his clothing. Just like he'd carved words into his pocketwatch to help him remember the pain of losing his arm and leg, so would his automail leg forever remind him of the pain of trying to get his body back. Some things were not meant to be forgotten. The past was not meant to be rewritten.

Just like this day. He would never forget this day. The sun-golden leaves dripped from the tree branches and fell to the ground like snowflakes. He would never forget the feeling of Winry's arm around his waist, or the glow of his brother's smiling eyes.

Edward squeezed his eyes shut and let the tears flow. The three of them leaned on each other, heads huddled together, laughing and crying and clutching each other for all they were worth.

**(We Three Make Family)**

"You ready, Al?"

Al nodded. He rolled up the sleeves of his shirt.

Edward shook his head and pulled off his jacket. His right arm was still thinner and weaker than his left, but he'd been working on it, and now the muscles were almost identical. His body was tough as wire from years of hand-to-hand combat. Al's slim frame was lanky and delicate. Brittle bones, Edward called him.

Winry sat on the porch, wearing her faded jumpsuit and swinging her legs in front of her. "You know, I've never stuck around to watch you guys fight before, but this one looks pretty interesting. Ed, you've been saying all these years that the reason Al could beat you was because he was a suit of armor. But if you lose this time, you realize what that means, right?"

Edward threw his jacket aside. "I'm not going to lose. I'm just worried about Al."

Al lifted his fists and stared Ed down. "I'm ready, brother."

Edward took a moment to pull his long hair into a ponytail. Then he bent his knees and raised his fists. Alphonse mimicked his stance.

Winry lifted her arm into the air. "And…fight!"

Edward leapt forward. He crossed the distance in an instant and swung his arm at Al's side. Al jumped back, and Edward kicked his leg out and caught him in the chest. Alphonse stumbled back. There was a look of surprise on his face. Then his arms fastened around Edward's leg and he twisted. Edward went flying across the grass. He saw Alphonse running toward him, so he jumped to his feet and blocked a punch aimed at his head. He jabbed at his brother's throat, and Al sidestepped. Edward couldn't help but grinning.

Alphonse swung his leg in a roundhouse kick. Edward dropped to the ground, crouching into a split position, with his legs spread in opposite directions. He slashed his foot at Al's legs, and Al jumped out of the way. Edward cartwheeled backwards and landed on his feet, panting.

"You still fight like a monkey!" said Al, wiping sweat from his forehead.

"And you fight like a clunky suit of armor," said Edward. He grinned.

"Well, I think that's a draw," said Winry. She stood up.

Both boys started protesting.

"Whaaaaat? Already?"

"Winry, we're just getting into this! This is fun!" said Edward.

"I have to go bake an apple pie," she said. "So if you two want to keep fighting, that's fine. But I'm leaving. I say it's a draw." She disappeared into the house, ponytail swishing behind her.

Ed and Al turned to look at each other. Without speaking a word, Alphonse lunged forward. Ed caught his wrist, twisted, and caused Al to step back, wrenching his arm out of Edward's grip. Then Al brought his leg up and kneed Edward in the stomach. Edward flipped sideways and spun his leg out – Al blocked with his arm.

They stayed frozen in that position for a moment. Al smiled, "Hey, brother, do you think Winry's gonna be mad at us if we keep this up?"

"Who cares?" said Edward. "We're brothers. This is what we do."

_I remember the painfulness of the love I lost back then _

_I'm a little perplexed by the vivid blueness of this sky_

_Together we'll keep on walking, because we can't go back _

_Even now, the inerasable sin deep in my chest hurts, but- _

_Even if I'm powerless, I'll live on strongly in this destiny _

_We'll join our hands and our warmths will melt together forever _

_If so, even if the sins of more things to come will be painful_

_For example, if as long as I'm with you, _

_even if we just turn against the waves of the world..._

_Without hesitation, I believe in this love and live on _

_I'll tightly embrace your unbandaged wound_

_If I'm with you, surely we'll be connected forever _

_And together we'll only look forward, even if nothing came to be done _

_Nevertheless, I'll keep on protecting you with my hands by all means-_

_Darling_


End file.
